Infidelity Advice
How To Survive Infidelity
ADVICE FOR WAYWARD PARTNERS (continued)
 QUESTION #2 How do you respond to disappointment?
Whenever I am giving people infidelity advice, I have noticed most of them have a really difficult time hearing the word “no”.
You see this in all areas of life. If a person loses a big account, misses a flight, gets “passed over” for a promotion, they seem to take it as a sign of personal failure. If their partner is not in the mood, or says “no” to doing what they want… they see it as a personal rejection. Rather than letting it go, or being flexible, the word “no” is internalized as an attack.
Why is recognizing how you deal with disappointment important?
Because not being able to hear... or handle... or cope with disappointment, can lead us to take things way too seriously. If we internalize the word “no” as a personal rejection... that feeling can cause us to "spin-off" into self-pity, anger and resentment. You’d be surprised to know how many times we "store up" personal resentments and retaliate for “perceived” wrongs. All because we haven’t been able to correctly process a “No.”
So ask yourself…
Up until now, how have YOU dealt with hearing the word “no”? How do YOU respond to disappointments? (both large and small)
For example...
If your flight gets delayed or cancelled…do you roll with the punches? Or do you “feel it” as a blow to your self esteem? Do you get angry? Do you sulk?
QUESTION #3 What do you find yourself pushing against?
Infidelity is often a flat out rebellion... or a way of pushing against an unwanted situation (or feeling). It’s important to acknowledge and bring to light the things you feel a natural resistance and a strong rebellion to. In other words the things you push against
Here’s a list of things people tend to push against. (Make note of any that applies to you, or add your own to the list).
- Being controlled
- Intimacy
- Feelings of being trapped
- Conformity
- Compliance
- Mediocrity
- Change
QUESTION #4 How do you handle boredom?
 Key Point: Boredom is often Enemy #1 for Monogamous Relationships.
In my pre-marital coaching, this is the number one thing I teach couples to deal with. Personally, I believe, if more people knew how to handle their restless minds, thoughts and feelings, the divorce rate plummet overnight.
Many people assume the antidote to boredom is adventure.
Sure. Adding a little adventure helps. But, more often than not, people just wind up creating “drama” and mistake that for adventure.
Key Point: The choice to cheat... is a choice for “drama” NOT adventure.
So how do you handle boredom?
Here are several “ineffective” ways people use to try and escape boredom:
- Shopping (a.k.a. retail therapy)
- Overeating
- Surfing the web
- Watching TV
- Gossiping
- Reading romance, sci-fi or adventure novels
What’s on YOUR list? Take a minute to write down your favorite ways to run from boredom.
QUESTION #5 What are you secret fears?
Key Point: Facing fear is part of the human experience.
Yet many people are not aware how much “fear” runs their lives.
Managing fear is about managing degrees. We all face the same fears... just to varying degrees.
Here is a simple exercise to give you some insight into what fears may have the biggest control over YOU.
Below are 5 different fears. Copy them onto a sheet of paper. After carefully read each one. Place a number next to each fear. Use a scale of 1-5. Using each number only once, prioritize your fears. With 1 being the strongest and 5 the weakest.
| Fear Of Dying |
1 2 3 4 5 |
| Fear Of Being Abandoned |
1 2 3 4 5 |
| Fear Of Aging |
1 2 3 4 5 |
| Fear Of Loss |
1 2 3 4 5 |
| Fear Of Decline Of Sexual Attraction |
1 2 3 4 5 |
WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
By your willingness to question your own motives, beliefs and fears... I believe you have taken an important step. I congratulate you for having the courage to look at yourself.
Of course... there’s more. Taking responsibility for mistakes is only the first step towards correcting them. And there are other steps in the process that should not be overlooked.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP:
- Accept complete responsibility for your mistakes.
- Sever all contact with the third party.
- Answer all your primary partner’s questions.
- Be patient with the emotional roller coaster.
- Be respectful of your primary partner’s need to talk about it.
- Being willing to "report in" as to your whereabouts.
- Accept that it may take a long time to regain your primary partner’s trust.
- Forgiving YOURSELF makes it easier for your spouse to forgive you.
And the BIGGEST thing you can do is…
BE WILLING TO STAND IN THE STORM YOU CREATED.
Yes. It’s going to be a rough and uncomfortable process. Yes. There will be lots of emotional ups and downs. Be prepared. It’s going to be difficult for everyone. No matter how much you wish for it to end quickly, the healing and recovery can't be rushed.
There are no shortcuts; the best thing you can do is to plant your foot firmly and squarely on the ground and be willing to wait out the storm.
Say to yourself – “This is a storm that I created. I made a mistake in creating it. And I am not willing to hide or run away from it. I will do what I can to help undo this mistake.”
Let me reassure you. In the long run, if you are married and cheating or been involved in an affair, it's better face the consequences directly, than to hide, deny or run away from them.
Today, you’ve taken the time to learn more about yourself. And if nothing else...what you have done demonstrates a REAL willingness to face your mistakes responsibly.
Are you ready for things
to get back to normal?
It’s not easy being the one that disappointed OR let another person down. There’s a tremendous weight and sense of failure that comes along with it. Chances are... you are ready to put this unpleasantness behind you. But your partner can’t seem to let it go.
This is where I can help.
If you are tired of walking on eggshells, tired of seeing that “hurt” look in their eyes, tired of feeling guilty, tired of feeling shame for what you have done, tired of explaining or exhausted from the constant tension... then I encourage you to accept help in getting things back on track.
When would now be the best time to take advantage of all of my skills, insights and years of study? Click here now to set up an appointment to speak with me this week and let me share with YOU... the “what-to-do’s as well as the-how-do-it.
As you consider accepting my help...keep in mind, I have been helping people in your exact circumstances for years. Chances are either very good or extremely good - I can help you too. Ask yourself...WHAT IF - SUZIE CAN HELP ME turn things around… what would that be worth to me?
Until we speak again,
Remember my friend... Love Wins!
 Learn How YOU and I Can Speak Privately.... CLICK HERE >>>
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INFIDELITY
